My Anxiety Personified

He has big red shoes,

brightly striped pants,

and a round waist with ruffled white accents.

He has puffy shoulder pads,

a rounded sleeve with faded ruffles, 

and dingy white gloves.

His face is white

and his smile distorts real movements,

smeared red lips.

His smile curls up

until just below his eyes and he never blinks.

His hair is electrified red straight pieces 

and no hat.

He taunts me by:

hovering over my back,

sneaking through the shower curtains,

playing hide and go seek

when I’m not even daring to seek,

whispering

“Did you check the locks? Go check them again.”

and making me lay on my back

so he won’t surprise me.

If I turn my head right

he is sitting on the floor.

 If I turn my head left

he is crawling over the mattress.

He grows with my anxiety.

He shows himself in pieces sometimes.

I’ve even seen him as a whole.

In the back seat 

while I was driving at night.

I never know when he will show up.

I never can stop my brain

from using my worries

to build his bones,

stretch his smile,

distort my environment.

I’m stuck in my room with the door locked 

just so I can breathe

and keep him and I far apart.

He vanishes sometime,

but when I’m not watching

he is watching.

Like a child who hides under the covers

I use faith to tare apart his existence

just to poke my head over the covers.

Today I have lost,

tomorrow is another.

My brain will destroy him.

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